“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning. But a going on.”
– Hal Borland
Peace Out 2018. You have been by far the toughest, yet the most beautiful year for me. You were a blessing that I never saw coming. You have shaped me into a person that, at the beginning of the year, I could have never imagined to be. I am grateful for everything that you taught me:
I started off 2018 with a huge loss (not ready to talk about it) and honestly speaking, not much has changed. Halfway through the year, I thought I almost recovered from it, but I didn’t. I lost all over again and life has thrown me right back where I began. So why are you so different than 2017? You have taught me how to look at losses differently. Because of you I believe that when one door closes, somewhere out there, a greater one will open. I have started to accept life as it comes without wanting to have it my way and that such phases are the much needed stepping stones in my life that will ultimately place me exactly where I am supposed to be. For that I am thankful.
About Self Love
You have shown me that it’s okay to not be okay. You taught me how to not be so hard on myself all the time and let myself breathe when the dreadful self doubt takes over. Only you have seen me looking at the mirror everyday with hate and pity. For the first time, I have taken a step towards looking past my insecurities and abandonment issues. Instead of wanting confirmation and acceptance from others, you gave me strength to become that person for myself instead. I have never been so unapologetically myself ever before. For that I am Thankful.
About Family and Friendships
I have a very loving family that I wasn’t very close to all this time. I had so much anger built up that I couldn’t notice all the efforts that were being made for my happiness. You have brought me closer to my dearest ones whereby my mom has essentially become my biggest supporter. For that I am thankful.
You made me realize that when they said, “As you grow up, your circle of friends gets smaller”, they weren’t lying. From talking to everyone and being transparent in front of all, I have come to only being friends with a few. I let go off a lot of people this year. Some were harmful for me and for some, I was but you gave me the eyes to differentiate between true and fake friendships and appreciate those who are still by my side. For that I am thankful.
About Mental Health
More than anything else, I can’t describe how much you have familiarized me with mental health. I have always dealt with Anxiety but for the first time, I was able to go out and talk to people about the real problem. I met with so many mental health advocates who were kind to provide me with assurance that I am not alone and that it’s not stupid to be going through something that others can’t understand. You gave me the ability to look at people and not judge them for their actions that might have been caused by their uncontrollable situation. I accepted help without questioning the intentions and helped others without conditions. For that I am thankful.
About True Love
Through your fair plays, I have absorbed the true meaning of love. Emotions of commitment, loyalty, trust and respect seem more meaningful than what they have ever appeared to me. I am surprised with the love I am capable of giving because I myself never knew I had it in me to put someone over me. You helped me enjoy the most special experience and then gave me the power to let go. You challenged me by giving me the purest love and then having to choose between that love and myself. You showed me that I’d be fine as long as I chose myself because there isn’t a truer love than loving thyself. For that I am thankful.
In The End
2018, you were painful but exactly what was required for me to grow up. Beneath a never ending emotional ride, I regained my lost faith in optimism and hope. There were moments of darkness where I thought I couldn’t keep doing it anymore and wanted to give up. There were failures and a heartbreak like never before. There were times where I shut everyone out and let them believe what people said about me. There was stress and pain. But in the middle of all the hardships, there were also good times where I turned my little dreams into reality. I travelled and explored alone. I was rewarded for my hard work and I gained enough confidence to share my story. It’s only upwards from here. I have let a lot get to my head but in the past month, you taught me how to not be desperate for something that’s not mine. So, Thank you for all you have turned me into. You were great 2K18.
Fact: Before I step into 2019, I forgive those who have harmed me and seek forgiveness from those who I have hurt. Much love for all my readers.